Harnessing the Horror of the Peanut

We interrupt the 80s Music A-Z countdown to bring you this public service announcement! 

 

We have a cannibalistic cult leader on our airwaves and we need to stop it before it goes too far. 

For many years, we have had to watch as poor, depressed, deluded foodstuffs have attempted to end their lives in sacrifice for the betterment of mankind. In other words, there have been anthropomorphic, animated chicken, pigs, fish, and such trying to have themselves eaten by smiling humans that seem to have no problem with having their meals suddenly break into song or doing their best to convince them why they are worthy of being devoured.

It may have gone on for much longer, but the first time I noticed this was with Charlie Tuna. Charlie appeared pretty happy-go-lucky, for the most part, as he would try his best to convince the canners of Star-Kist tuna that he had good taste. They would inevitably send down a note, alerting Charlie that they were looking for tuna that taste good, not ones that had good taste. Now, this could be chalked up to a misunderstanding on Charlie's part. Perhaps he didn't realize that if he were to be chosen, he would be chopped into millions of pieces and combined with boiled noodles and cheese. As evidence of that particular theory, I present:

Notice in the above video that Charlie doesn't necessarily realize what fate awaits were he to be picked. His yellow, goggle-eyed companion, however, seems pretty aware. But, Charlie is probably too stubborn to listen to reason. Lucky for Charlie, he never will develop the correct ratio of "great taste/ tastes great" that gets him the hook.

The California Raisins didn't wait around for some nebulous corporation to pick them to become a healthier alternative to Cheetos. As you can see from the clip below, they just happily dance their way to their deaths.

More recent suicidal edible items are the Kellogg's Mini-Wheats. Though, they may just be oblivious idiots. As seen in this video, they are content with lazing about in a bowl of warm milk, either unaware that they're about to be breakfast for the devious child, or they know and just don't care. Either way, a bit creepy.

Speaking of creepy, the no-longer-providing-new-updates website Suicide Food, features examples of the types of mascots that I'm talking about from all over. Mostly mascots from restaurants and such. Be warned, however, many of these are pretty disturbing.

But, now we are seeing the next step in the evolution of these disturbing little aberrations  - the cult leader that encourages such behavior.

I'm speaking, of course, of Mr. Peanut. That monocled maniac is now on television in commercials where he is actively encouraging humans to gorge themselves on his legume-y brethren. And we're not sure if the peanuts in question gave themselves up voluntarily, a la California Raisins, or has Mr. P committed mass murder. Regardless, the tiny top-hatted fiend has to be stopped.  First, it's his gullible goober brothers, next it's the humans whom he has plied with their salty goodness. Look at how they play right into his micro-gloved hands. It's only a matter of time.

Besides, we have to know that he's a fraud. I mean he wears a monocle, a top hat, gloves, and a vest. The stereotypical depiction of posh British aristocracy, yet he talks in the voice of  Bill Hader. That's right. Mr. Peanut is secretly Stefon.
 Come on, people. Don't give in.  Refuse the legume!

80s Music A-Z: F

Okay, you know what this one is going to be, right?
After using the haircuts as a main reason for featuring a couple of the other letters, it has to be the one band whose name has become synonymous with 80s pop culture and music. That band of course, is Flock of Seagulls. I mean, come on, look at these guys.

They epitomize the 80s so much that when Samuel L. Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction called another character by the name of the band, everyone knew exactly what he meant. (WARNING. The clip in the link contains Samuel L. Jackson. In a movie that is not The Avengers. And it was rated R. I trust that you get the point. Go to the 1:57 mark to see the above mentioned reference.)

So, it has to be Flock of Seagulls.

But it isn't.

Hey, nothing against them, but they're a bit obvious. They're the first band you thought of, right?

So, other 80s acts starting with F. There's Fine Young Cannibals, who everyone may have been driven crazy by their song "She Drives Me Crazy". They also have a connection to another prominent 80s band as members David Steele and Andy Cox were also in the English Beat (or The Beat, depending on where you live. See the letter B for more on that.) But, I don't want to drive anyone crazy, so no.

Which brings us to The Fixx.

The Fixx formed in 1979, but didn't release their first album until 1982. Shuttered Room contained several hits for the band, including "Stand Or Fall" and "Red Skies". But it was the album Reach the Beach, released the following year which put The Fixx in the 80s pop culture pantheon.  It became their biggest selling album, and remains so today. The songs "Saved By Zero" and "One Thing Leads to Another" were big hits for them. The latter actually reaching #4 on the US charts.

 They had some success with their next album, Phantoms, which had the songs "Are We Ourselves" and "Sunshine In the Shade." And they've gone on to release 7 more albums since then! The latest, Beautiful Friction, just last year. They still sound pretty good. Click here for the first single from that album, "Anyone Else."

Although much of The Fixx's catalog is great, and any of the tunes from that era would be representative, I chose "One Thing Leads to Another" as the featured song. The reason. Cy Curnin's weird semaphoric gyrations. He flails about like he's swatting flies through half the video.I couldn't resist sharing.  If someone knows how to translate the "sign language" that he's using, please let me know.

 
Coming up next, the letter G. But, I guess you knew that. Check back to see who it'll be. 
And, of course, thanks for playing.